Coparenting vs Sole or Maternal Custody – A Message for Eileen Clark

If Eileen Clark were getting divorced in New Mexico today, the Family Court would favor Coparenting versus Sole or Maternal Custody for Eileen Clark. New Mexico Organizations like: CHILDREN FIRST: Co-Parenting Support Services, Inc. or the Family Eduction Center would be brought into the case to advocate co-parenting for the Smith Family. For most parents back in the ’90s, co-parenting or “joint custody” was a presumption for most reasonably minded parents. However, not for Eileen Clark, who played “Judge, Jury and Executioner” and solely determined how her children were to be raised, ignoring the New Mexico Courts as well as the United States International Parental Kidnapping laws. 

What is very sad in the Eileen Clark Case is that it sounds like Ms. Clark is still not focusing on her adult children. She is still putting her adult children in the middle rather than working cooperatively with the other parent (ignoring his rights and existence). Furthermore, after kidnapping her children for 15 years, she is making a mockery of our U.S. Criminal Justice System and Family Court System by fighting extradition back to New Mexico and United States. From the “fear of flying” to the “psychiatric” excuses – how can this parent be emotionally available for her children? To think that someday these children will marry and have children, if you were one of the future spouses of these adult children, would you want Eileen Clark, the grandmother around your young child? As we’ve said in other cases, it’s time for Eileen Clark to CoParent-Up; get herself on a flight back to the States and start the road to recovery for not only her children, but this Family Unit. It’s apparent that like most Underground Mothers who commit this crime, she’s only thinking of herself.

Here are some Co-parenting Resources for Eileen Clark:  

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside

The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

Separating feelings from behavior

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

  • Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
  • Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.
  • Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Children in the middle

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child’s. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.

  • Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.
  • Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.


The Editor
The Children of the Underground Watch


4 Responses to Coparenting vs Sole or Maternal Custody – A Message for Eileen Clark

  1. vbm says:

    this all sounds so sweet, but if your child is being molested and/or abused you are doing the right thing by leaving if no one will listen. I know because I have been there….and, when I went through the underground they would not talk to me unless I had records to back me up about what was happening….

    • underwatch says:

      Hi vbm,

      We actually disagree with you that the Underground always checks the records. That’s simply not true. First of all, the Underground do not have licensed child custody professionals. Faye Yager was an Interior Designer. The Underground mom usually shops her case around documenting a paper trail setting up her “Necessity” or “Choices-of-Evil” Defense. The Underground Mom ignores the results of the Custody Evaluation and isn’t willing despite having access to thousands to millions of dollars, doesn’t put her child in therapy or under the protection of a Domestic Violence Shelter if truly fears her life. In the cases we have researched and sent info over the past 20 years, the underground mom usually flees out of anger or revenge for the failed marriage; her husband remarried; or simply because she didn’t want to share the child(ren). What would have been so bad about sharing custody or co-parenting? In other situations, one of the parents wanted to move out of state and because the parents couldn’t agree — the underground mom decided to make the decision.

      The underground mom always has the big stack of court documents, but the evidence is never displays that she exhausted her legal remedies or had a “reasonable” belief. Even if she had a mental condition and had a belief, that’s not an excuse for the long-term emotional abuse a parental kidnapping inflicts on her children and the family members. Even 20 years ago, the mother could have checked herself and kids into a Domestic Violence Shelter and notified the District Attorney and worked within the Court System to present her allegations.

      In our opinion, parenting kidnapping is never an alternative and certainly not in the best interests of the child. That’s our “sweet” opinion on this issue.

      The Editor

  2. i am a little confused. should she really go back to New Mexico? The children are groen. They should have the address of the father in queston. if they wanted him in their lives, they know how to contact him. also, she left her life behind when she took those children. raised them with no help from the father, nor ask for any. goes to show… maybe as the old saying goes ‘You Never Know What Goes On Behind Closed Doors’…. If I was a spouse to one of the grown up children… would I want her around ‘My Children’….. You Bet I would…. The FATER TO MY SPOUSE….NO…..

    • underwatch says:


      Bonnie, what if you had grandchildren and your son or daughter’s custodial-embattled spouse boarded the new Children of the Underground with your grandchildren. In fact, we have several child psychiatrists that we will pay off to say that your son or daughter was abusing them (you never know what happens behind closed doors.) What if you grandchildren ended up hiding in the U.K., The Netherlands, Switzerland or Costa Rica. Wait, twenty years later the parental kidnapper surfaces with your now adult grandchildren. And someone named Bonnie tells you, “I am a little confused…”

      Eileen Clark should be extradited because she broke U.S. Custody laws. She clearly broke the law when she kidnapped her children and boarded the plane to Europe. She robbed this father and his family of the right to co-parent his children. The facts here are clear. She should be prosecuted not only to deter others from committing this crime but protecting the rights of children, parents and grand parents.

      It sounds like you are an advocate for the Domestic Violence Cause. What about the Parental Kidnapping Cause? In the past, I have heard the saying “One of the most severe forms of Domestic Violence against a child is a parental kidnapping”. A case could easily be made that the “Batter” or the “Abuser” in this case in Eileen Clark. You can say that “You Never Know What Goes on Behind Closed Doors”, but I am certain that Family Court Professionals and Family Court Evaluators would disagree with you. Both groups are working very hard in their cases to find out what goes on behind closed doors. There is one person alone that determined child custody in this case, that’s Eileen Clark.

      The Editor

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