If Eileen Clark were getting divorced in New Mexico today, the Family Court would favor Coparenting versus Sole or Maternal Custody for Eileen Clark. New Mexico Organizations like: CHILDREN FIRST: Co-Parenting Support Services, Inc. or the Family Eduction Center would be brought into the case to advocate co-parenting for the Smith Family. For most parents back in the ’90s, co-parenting or “joint custody” was a presumption for most reasonably minded parents. However, not for Eileen Clark, who played “Judge, Jury and Executioner” and solely determined how her children were to be raised, ignoring the New Mexico Courts as well as the United States International Parental Kidnapping laws.
What is very sad in the Eileen Clark Case is that it sounds like Ms. Clark is still not focusing on her adult children. She is still putting her adult children in the middle rather than working cooperatively with the other parent (ignoring his rights and existence). Furthermore, after kidnapping her children for 15 years, she is making a mockery of our U.S. Criminal Justice System and Family Court System by fighting extradition back to New Mexico and United States. From the “fear of flying” to the “psychiatric” excuses – how can this parent be emotionally available for her children? To think that someday these children will marry and have children, if you were one of the future spouses of these adult children, would you want Eileen Clark, the grandmother around your young child? As we’ve said in other cases, it’s time for Eileen Clark to CoParent-Up; get herself on a flight back to the States and start the road to recovery for not only her children, but this Family Unit. It’s apparent that like most Underground Mothers who commit this crime, she’s only thinking of herself.
Here are some Co-parenting Resources for Eileen Clark:
Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside
The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.
Separating feelings from behavior
It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.
- Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
- Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.
- Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.
Children in the middle
You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child’s. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.
- Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.
- Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.
The Children of the Underground Watch