What Silvia Bianchi and Joao Lins e Silva Should be Doing.

Now that the Brazilian Supreme Court has ruled sending Sean Goldman home with his father, if Sean’s maternal grandmother and step father really cared for him, here are lists of things they should be doing and should not be doing.

Should be Doing

  • Therapist – The maternal grandmother and step father should offer to pay for therapy costs for Sean Goldman. There are few child therapists in the country that are experts in reunification, let alone one that is fluent in Portuguese. The therapist selected by David Goldman should work with a leading therapist or child psychologist in the country that is familiar with the emotional impact on parentally kidnapped victim children and their recovering families.
  • Embassy Incident – Both Silva Bianchi and Josao Lins e Silva owe an apology to both Sean and David Goldman and take responsibility for their horrific behavior in parading Sean Goldman through the media during the reunification at the Embassy. There is no excuse for their actions and if they don’t believe they did anything wrong, they should seek professional help. This incident was not in the best interests of Sean.
  • Phone Calls – In the phone calls with Sean, they should do everything possible not to disparage Sean’s father David Goldman.
  • Visitation – They should make plans to visit Sean Goldman in the United States and work with David Goldman into finding a neutral a secure location for these supervised visits. They should also let David Goldman know that hey will pay all expenses associated with this visitation or custody time.
  • Support – If they have the economic means, they should provide funds to David Goldman for private English lessons, private school education, etc. They spent a significant amount of money to try and keep Sean in Brazil and it would be wrong for them not to provide support for the direct benefit of this child.
  • Sean’s Personal Belongings – They should ship any of Sean’s personal belongings to him that would not fit in his suitcase that might be important to him.

Should Not Be Doing

  • Litigation – they should curtail any efforts to further litigate this case. They need to de-escalate their relationship with David Goldman and move the relationship into one seeking the best interests of David Goldman.
  • Child’s Decision – they should immediately cease any belief that Sean Goldman, a 9 year old child should be allowed to decide which family he should live with. This belief is incorrect. It would be fundamentally wrong for any psychologist or attorney like Sergio Tostes to ask this question to a 9 year old child, especially since he was wrongfully kidnapped as a 5 year old child, and has spent very little time with his biological father.
  • Litigation Expenses – They should not engage in any future litigation expenses that would cause David Goldman to spent one penny more legal fees.

One Response to What Silvia Bianchi and Joao Lins e Silva Should be Doing.

  1. Emma says:

    I agree with almost everything you said. However, I saw some film of Sean in a recent documentary, and he seemed to be speaking English quite well for a child who hasn’t really heard it for five years (and was actually forbidden to speak it at home in Brazil). I’m sure that after a few of months in school and being around children, he will be fluent again. He is currently enrolled in school, and I am sure his father will get extra help for him if he needs it.

    He also seems to be bonding quite well, despite his Brazilian family’s attempts to turn him against his own father. It seems that the relationship forged with his father until Sean was four years old was strong enough to withstand whatever horrible pressure they put on this poor boy. He may need to therapy to get over what they did to him, but he won’t need therapy to bond with David.

    Finally, I do not agree at all about the “neutral” meeting place. All meetings should take place at the Goldman home with David present. I wouldn’t trust anyone in that other family as far as I could throw an elephant. They will grill him, say bad things about his father, make him cry over what he is missing in Brazil, how his little sister misses him, etc. They are NOT to be trusted, and they should NEVER be alone with him, much less out of the sight of his dad. They could even try to steal him away again, who knows? And they should not see him at all until David feels comfortable enough in the strength of his relationship with Sean, and with Sean’s own emotional strength. Although child-grandparent relationships are special and unique, it is the relationship between parent and child that is of primary importance. Sean will suffer far more from the loss of his mother than from losing daily contact with his grandmother. Grandma is a bonus, as long as she behaves herself and thinks of the child rather than of herself. She hasn’t done that very well thus far. She needs to know her place. She is not Sean’s mother, as much as she would wish to be.

    Meanwhile, I understand step-daddy has moved on to find a new woman to marry. Can you imagine if he had been allowed to keep Sean? In that case, Sean would have been raised by both a step-father AND a step-mother, while his biological dad fought to get him back. How crazy would that have been?

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